Currently Listening More Adventurous By Rilo Kiley I Never see related

Bandwagonning

Preface: I should be doing homework. Fuck homework.

I've thought about it and here it is:

If you really knew me, you would know that: Apparently, I am a fan of the colon today. No for real.

I am hopelessly sarcastic. I make inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times. I can't not say what is on my mind. Subtlety is not my strongpoint. I will tell you what I think of you whether you want to hear it or not and it seems that I can do that without offending many people because after being blatantly offended they just say "Oh, Kate. She is so opinionated," and brush it off. I don't know why one would do that. I am a realist. You know what I think, when I think it. I have a potty-mouth. I enjoy drinking tea. I spend too much time inside. I am bigger than you. You are smaller than me. I love music, but can't sing. More than the music, I love the lyrics. I love words. I talk too much, too loud, too often. I am the idea girl. I still secretly love icons on xanga. You being stupid, that's funny. I love to laugh, and do it loudly and proudly.

But if you really knew me, you would know that:

I wish I was enlightened and could live a completely natural state of being. Grow my own food, build my own house, have something that is truly my own. However, I don't know what I want. I am devilishly subtle. Play whatever I have ever said to you backwards and you get what I like to call "the backwards movie effect." Once I tell you one thing later on down the road, everything makes perfect sense from what I have said in the past. I have no secrets, except one. Just one. Two people know, but I have yet to tell the most important. I don't know how. Too many repercussions at this point to even try to make heads or tails of it. My supposed lack of subtlety, my blunt, blatant presentation is the catalyst of my truth. Yeah, I'm bigger than you and I hate it. I hang on to my individuality because I cannot be like everyone else. No really, I can't shop at hollister or abercrombie or american eagle. They don't make clothes that fit me. My individuality is a front covering my insecurity. I am constantly paranoid. I must know what you said right then, right now, because I missed it and you could have been talking about me or telling someone something I didn't want them to know or you could be excluding me. I must be in control. My personality works best when I have the upperhand. I say I want a relationship that challenges me, not true. I just want one where I can be aggressive and one that challenges society. I long to live outside, always. In a hollowed out tree trunk with a woodplank spiraled staircase. I am a cynic who idealizes everything. I have no fucking clue what I want. EVER. I am apathetic to everything because I don't know what I want. Ask me what I want and I will be too afraid to tell you. The "if you really knew me" (no italics) is so short because if you know me, then you know me. But if you really know me then the story is much longer. My favorite weather is what I call "summer snow." It occurs whenever you are sitting at a stoplight and the neutral ground has crepe myrtles and it is spring and they are blooming. A breeze blows and some of the buds fly off and float in the air on the current. It is the most beautiful, delicate thing to see. I smile everytime I see it happen. I want to be the action girl. I could probably make it as a stand-up comedienne.

Me in 5 sentence fragments:

One secret, two people. Not yet the most important. Selfconciously paranoid. Outspoken idealist. No action.

There is so much more to say, but I am too afraid to say it. Will you react the way I think you will? Or will it be as unexpected and accepting as before? Will you deny me or embrace me? Will I find you? Can I find you? Will you help me? Maybe I don't want this and think I do because I am frustrated. Maybe I really do want this but say I am frustrated because I am trying to deny it. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?

Currently Listening Sick Puppies Ep By Sick Puppies All The Same see related

Come on, man, Everyone's doing it.

February 24, 2007:

Five kids stand in a mall. Matching shirts, matching signs, matching hope. Our arms vault "Free Hugs" above our heads. Sometimes we get quizzical expressions, curious inquirers, open arms. It is interesting to see the amount of people that stop, stare and walk on with a smirk on their face. They want one, they know it and you know it. But you can't stop it. It is sad how many people won't just walk up and hug you, but rewarding when the few people do. Many were foreign, or children. Where has the American innocence gone?

Each hug was different, some vacuous, most sturdy. The best were when you bent down. I bent down to a boy in a wheelchair who was highly disabled, he repsonded more than the 40 year old man with his small kids. One man walked up to me, looked me in the eyes, opened his arms, and whispered "thank you" in my ear.

To smile again soon,

Kate.

                                Everyone's doing it, so why aren't you?

www.freehugscampaign.org

Currently Listening Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! By Hellogoodbye Stuck to You see related

Who is this Chris?

One letter more and he's Christ.

So I was logged in, all ready to pour my heart out to the pseudo- psyce that is internet blog rings, and I noticed, right under the running script that says this is my 653rd day apart of xanga(join premium now and get even more features!) that if I had any more quesitons about blog, photos, or media, that I should contact Chris. Chris? Who is this Chris?

A POOR MAN'S TOM!!!

Tom, the myspace GOOGOLNAIRE!!!!!

Chris ain't got nothing on that shit.

Currently Listening Soviet Kitsch By Regina Spektor Ghost of Corporate Future see related

the first thing you grab in the morning.

I am jealous of my red glasses. Not for the fact that they are red, however that is clearly a legitimate thing to be jealous of. I am jealous because they are the first thing I grab for in the morning. The first thing I think about. I want to be my red glasses for someone else.

What do you first grab for in the morning?

Currently Listening So Jealous By Tegan and Sara, Tegan & Sara I Know I Know I Know see related

pretty people make me feel better about myself (Question mark)

I was watching Garden State the other night, and the scene where they are in the pool-after, of course, Large looks like a motor skill retarded dog  trying to swim down for air in the pool- Sam and Large start having a conversation about what home is:

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Well, that pretty much sums it up. Home is no longer home. At least, it's not my home. I am just visiting as i pass through on vacation. Except it's not a vacation. I am slowly getting every tooth pulled in my mouth by a three year old who has no knowledge of how to use pliers. "Kate, you need to eat" ...4 seconds later... "Kate, why are you eating that!?!?" Well, 4 seconds earlier, you told me i needed to eat. ... 1 hour later... "Kate, you need to eat" Well, there goes the M1 molar and the canines, so good thing i can't eat anymore. And as each tooth is pulled, it makes it easier to eat the oatmeal that the walls are slathered in. It took me alot of heart and effort just to get my mother to keep the dining room the lovely sage green that it is. Just b/c your designer wannabe friend says "monotone whole house colors are SO in right now!" doesn't mean you immediately come home and repaint the whole house. My imaginary place has each room a different color, each lived in, no front sitting room that noone uses except on tahnksgiving when you cant move or else you will knock over some ugly aunt's wine glass and stain teh carpet that no one uses or cares about. So go ahead, Queen Amidala, and feel at home in your house, it is filled with hamster cages, ball scratching dogs, and a guy from Africa. It has what we are all searching for, the perfection of imperfection. The anomaly of an above ground pool adjacent to the pet cemetary. So i challenge you my friends, what does your home look like? i am curious.

Mine is filled with mismatched furniture that i re-upholstered myself with fabric that my mother questions the origin of. It is always warm, despite the lack of heat because i didn't pay the bill because i just forgot(sorry). It smells of tea, a musty fragrance left from the morning. Books are piled under the coffee table which is strewn with Spin magazines and Rolling Stone clippings. A small TV without cable flickers the blue light of dragonfly wings about the room. Pictures cover the walls. Photos my friends took, photos I took. One story, not much of a yard, probably an apartment. I don't live with someone else, but people are always over.

can you seriously take me serious when my font color is pink? I mean, seriously.